I don’t want to expect people doing things for me. I don’t want to depend my happiness on them. It’s not like I don’t trust people. Expectation can be a burden, either for the person you’re expected for, or you who’re expecting. I loathe being burdened and I dislike the image of giving burden to someone. If I’m going to be associated with someone, I want to be the one who give. This kind of logic is frustrating since I cannot ask help to those who aren’t close to me because I am afraid of giving them something to bear, either it is small or big.

But to reach the happiness I always dream of, I know I should get them involved. I cannot be completely happy if I can’t share it with them. For me, my happiness is their happiness as well. Why should I spread my sadness and keep my happiness on my own? Everyone has their blue days so I cant make them getting bluer.
About the happiness, what is it exactly?

For me, happiness is something simple. You don’t have to get grand luxurious thing to happen to you and call it happiness. When you can appreciate and be grateful of things around you, no matter how small it is, that’s happiness. You start making your happiness from scratch.

It’s not always about money, but I agree that it contributes a lot for my happiness. For example, whenever I’m feeling down, I buy myself chocolate and eat it on my own. I feel better and happier. Or buying lipstick because I love it and I feel better when I apply it to my lips. Books too. I feel happy whenever I read good books and find words that would motivate me to be better.

Giving something to people who I love make me happy. I feel happy instantly when I see their eyes light up at the view of chocolate or gift that I gave. The happiness of those around you is important too. You don’t have to give them something extravagant. As long as you sincere with yours, they’ll appreciate it. Believe me, the happiness will following you both.


Young Marriage


Two of my best friends eloped their lives last month and I couldn’t get any happier than that. They’re finally meet their “the one”, sooner than I expected. Truthfully, I was so emotional when I read the invitation because man, I can say that I basically grew up with them, especially with Hana. She was one of my first friend I made back in middle school and the only one who stick with me since 7th grade till graduate. She was the only one who remember my birthday back in 8th grade when my other friends didn’t even know mine. I was pulling myself out from others when she was the opposite of me.

We exchanged diaries and I read it last week. They changed so much and I don’t know if I should be happy or sad. They grew up to be wonderful and religious women, unlike me. At least they still remember me.

You know, talking about marriage is a thing between girls (or women) in their 20s. So do my friends. I am bored with this topic but what can you do when entire world basically screaming this one at you? Your friends getting married, your friends get boyfriends, your friends graduated and get jobs. All of them lead to the most anticipated topic: marriage.

To be honest, I still don’t know about this. Continue reading “Young Marriage”

Wake Up You Need to Make Money



  1. A crucial or decisive point or situation, especially a difficult or unstable situation involving an impending change.
  2. A sudden change in the course of a disease or fever, toward either improvement or deterioration.
  3. An emotionally stressful event or traumatic change in a person’s life.


Usually occurs sometime in your twenties, a few years out of school and still feel as though you’re waiting for you’re life to begin.
For most people it will be around twenty five years of age (give or take a year or two) as this tends to be when you’re way of thinking is starting to change beyond that of a high school or college student. Most people realize they’ve reached this age if they talk to teens online and realize their way of thinking/talking/interacting etc is considerably different and/or they’re starting to refer to teens as ‘kids’.
It’s an age where a lot people start developing a more realistic outlook in life and start feeling that if they haven’t accomplished certain things in life they thought they would by then that they may never (Even though this isn’t true and they still have a long time to attain their goals and dreams).
This tends to be the age where regrets about decisions made in High School, College etc start becoming more apart. The classes one didn’t take, or could have tried harder in, the teams one didn’t try out for, and wished they had and so forth can sometimes cause a lot of regret and even resentment of those that are doing things one wishes they’d done.
Some people will respond to a quarter life crisis by rushing into various landmark type goals in life (Ie. getting married, moving out from your parents house, getting your first house, getting your first real job, having kids).
This could be because their friends have accomplished one or more of these things and they’re worried their falling behind them.
It may also be because they’re afraid that if they don’t accomplish these things by the time their 28 or so, they may never.
Others respond to it by growing depressed and blaming others for their perceived failures in life.
People tend to move beyond this life crisis when they realize that, a lot of people feel the same way and/or are in the exact same position, so they have plenty of company (misery loves company) and/or start to realize that perhaps some of their hopes and dreams were a tad bit unrealistic and that they’re just getting a reality check. Once one realizes that life hasn’t necessarily let them down and that their hopes and dreams were just that, hopes and dreams, but the reality has simply granted them a more down to Earth/realistic life, they’ll accept it and hopefully be happy for what they have and stop lamenting over what they never could realistically have achieved in life.

People say there will come a time when you feel depressed, questioning what will you do with your life, seeing yourself as a wrench who cannot do anything. That called quarter life crisis.

I realized I’m at that phase, right now.

Have you ever asking yourself how old are you know right after you wake up?

I dreamed that I was 16, or I thought I was 16. I was thinking about the 14 years old of me and I was like, hey it was 2 years ago. So I am 16 now? Then right after that, when I woke up, I counted my own age and I shivered. I am almost 21, not 16, nor 14. I was 14 seven years ago. Freaking seven years.

You know you are an adult when holiday makes you depressed, instead of happy.

My friends are doing internship, yet I am here, at home, lying on bed, reading comics and doing unproductive things. How can I get a job then? What should I do now?

Yet I do nothing. I searched for a job, but I didn’t send my CV. I dreamed about money, salary, but I didn’t do anything to make it happen. I cursed myself, blame it for being my own self, for being lazy, stupid, untalented and God-knows-what-kind-of-bad-words-I-called-myself.

I’m craving for new activity yet myself stop me for improving. Searching for excuses.