easy for you

it’s easy to fall in love
with you
with simple things around
it’s only take one conversation, one gaze, a warm smile, in one second

God makes it so easy for people to like things, to love someone
but why people love to spread hate
when it’s easier to fall in love instead?

I’m so sick of the world, there are so much hate currently. people kill themselves and another so easy as if they were flies. those who are so selfish who think their God would love them when actually they did something that He opposed. medias are full of negative things. what kind of the world I live now, I don’t know.

so many bad things happened here to the point where people getting praised for being nice, when actually that’s our root. isn’t ironic for being praised of something that we’re SUPPOSED to do? I’m not a prophet nor holy person but being kind to each other is our nature, human nature. why is it so hard to apply, when you can get double happiness, to the person you’re giving something to and to yourself who did a good deed?

honesty

I thought I know myself very well, but when my friends pointed out to me where did I do wrong, I couldn’t defend myself.

You know, you have to be honest with yourself.”

I’m always honest, am I?

No, you’re not okay. You are saying that you’re okay when actually you’re not. You said that you don’t feel anything when actually you did. If you were normal person, you have to snap at this person for disrespecting you. Just admit that your feeling is different this time.

 

 

(yes sorry, sorry for posting depressing things again. I’ll be back spreading glitter and rainbow, I promise!)

his name is so beautiful that i can’t help but recite his whenever it appears on my phone screen

(why is
human relationship
so difficult?

or maybe it is simple but I am the one who complicate things)

i’m smiling like an idiot, please help me

 

 

Hi for May 18th guy

When i wrote this, i already ask you about your birthday (I just realized your birthday was written in your phone number – oh wait can i joke about the 2 last digit as your birth year?)

But i swear when i wrote the original post, i have no idea about your birthday

Here it goes Ara being creepy part 87163728

 

So,

I wish you have a belated year ahead. Not just a year but yearsss ahead.
I wish you’ll receive a lot of love from people that you love.
I wish you will always be happy.

(Its not everyday that your age will be plus a year, and im so so late writing this – its june 5th if youre wondering)

Thank you for making me happy even tho i never said that your simple reply made my day. Sorry for being annoying and disturbing, too, lol.

(And thank you if you read this and know that this post is for you)

bee-bee doubleyou

hello! I haven’t post something that tell people about my days so here it is.
not exactly my day, but I just want to share this.

So, I joined an event outside the campus. This was the second time, well not the same event, I mean, joining an external event-slash-part timing (or volunteering, up to you). The first time was on October, it was a K-event and most of my friends were working there so naturally I joined them. This time, no. And the event was bigger than the previous one so to be honest I was so scared and nervous when I signed up. I didn’t have any experience too, but I really want to join this one since a year ago (I’m not lying, I really do!).

Well, so I saw the recruitment announcement on Line and decided to sign up. I thought I’m going to do this alone, but two of my friends said that they wanted to do it too, so we sent our applications together. We came to the interview (or briefing to be exact) and chose the same section (lol but I wasn’t interested on another section so there it went my choice). To cut it short, three of us made it, but one of my friend decided to cancel it because some issues so it was just two of us.

Guess what it was kinda annoying at first. I’m not the type of person who frequently appear on group chat (yes, I’m that annoying and ignorant person who only read the chat and never respond) and before the event began, there were some chaos occurred. It’s kinda predictable, to be honest. That’s what you get when you meet (well, not directly meet but you may get my point) bunch of people who shared different type of jokes and work ethic with you.

About the event. Well, it wasn’t perfect. There were a lot of complains, some unexpected things. But it got praised, too, so it wasn’t that bad.

For me, I got mixed feeling. At first, I doubt I could do it. I got night shift and my body wasn’t used to it. But I met such a great people who push me through those hard nights. I don’t have single regret for joining this event.

Sure, I met a lot, really lot, of people who keep pissing me off. But there were many of them that made me laugh and forgot about the negative things. I was so pissed with this one girl who in same group with me on set up days because she always complained about things. But I meet a lot of fun people while working so I forgot about her. I got scolded by a group of customers until I wanted to cry on the spot, but then not long after those customers gone, my chief cashier went to me and told me to take a break. The next day, my chief cashier moved me to another section that was unfamiliar to me and I had those unwelcoming faces when I came (I’m not deluding myself because my other friends went there too on the other day and they told me the same thing). But I met one person that always talk to my friend and he was so nice to me and so the team leader and one of the crew who approached me first and talked to me and I felt better.

there were a lot of negative things, like, so many of them until I lost count but I’m not gonna mention it one by one. I couldn’t tell you the exact story of my working days but to make it short: it was fun. It’s really fun. I really wanted to join the event again, I really do.

I said that I don’t have any regrets, but I do lol. I didn’t take the picture with some of the people who were close to me and helping me during the event. I didn’t give them anything, when in fact, I planned to give each one of them something. I did give some of them, but I really wished I had time to thank them all. It might sound weird and cringey but I used to do this so its kinda unusual if I didn’t do it.

I think, this was the first time I work outside my zone (aka Korea). I must say, it’s so different. and it was better. I like my employers, they treated the crews like… friends? I mean, most of them didn’t act so high and bossy when they have any rights to do that. Okay, I know if I said this in front of my friends they’re gonna deny it so hard lol, but it was different for me. I used to work with K peeps (lol why this sound like I’m a pro when it comes to them, no its the opposite but you get my point, right?) and fyi they have seniority complex (idk is it the right word?). Like, some of them as superior tend to act like one, I mean, really bossy and annoying and have a lot of request that wasnt make sense and they like to do things so sudden and change their mind so quick. But I was happy with the way my supervisors here at this event working. I respected them, and they’re fun to talk to.

I joined this in order to challenge myself and I’m glad I did. I gained so much and I don’t think I lose anything (wait, i think i lost weight lol). Thank you for the experience!

ps: this post is so disoriented I don’t know what im gonna write i just want to type this out of my brain and this is so messy so its ok if you dont understand. and its been around 2 weeks i miss it so much.

Where did the courage go?

It’s funny and ironic to think that the older you are, you will be braver. Well, it doesn’t apply to me, though. I’m not really afraid anymore of dark or ghost or anything that I used to be scared of when I was a kid. Yet the things that make me afraid right now are scarier than monsters or vampires.

As time goes by, I get more afraid to do things I wanna do. I told myself “If doing this make you happy, then go.”
But I guess I’m more scared of what society gonna respond than how I obtain my happiness.

Few years ago, I didn’t really mind what others think, I did what I wanted, I knew I was stupid but I wish I was still like me in the past. Whenever my friends talk to me about their feeling, that they’re afraid of what people think, I always said “why are they matter so much to you when it’s your life you’re talking about? It’s not like they’re your parents or God, you don’t have to do exactly that they want you to do.” But it’s always easier to say than done.
I don’t want to expect people around me to boost my confidence or to make this feeling disappear.

I know I am toxic for my own self but I’m going to let it poisons me alone than spread it to those around me.

“Fear is something that you create by your own.”

(Sorry, I promise myself that I wont write any depressing things in here anymore but I have to let this one out)

grieve and the people she left behind

so two weeks ago, my grandmother passed away.

it was so sudden, i was playing with my phone in room, meanwhile my dad just arrived at home when one of my uncle called then told him the sudden bad news. dad was confused, we were confused because the one who usually visit hospital was my grandfather but it was his wife that left him first. i think that was the first time i saw my dad was so helpless. mom helped him by instructing him to go right away.

to be honest, i’m not really close with my dad’s mom, i’m closer to grandmother from my mom’s side because i met her more often. and one of the ultimate reason is, my mom’s mother spoke bahasa to me. another grandma of mine only speak javanese, while i dont understand a single sentence of it. sometimes i feel sad because i cant communicate well with her, unlike my cousins who live near my grandpas’ house so they’re native for javanese.

i went to their house four days after my dad went because that time my mom was sick so we had to wait until she felt better. i didn’t visit her grave, only dad and my lil brother who went. we were busy prepare things for “7 harian” event, so three days just passed like that and we went back home.

i never like funeral. well, who does? i might sound evil but i never went to any funeral because i can’t stand people crying, losing their loved one. but at the end of last year, i went to funeral of my junior, the first funeral i’ve ever attended. he was such a nice junior, we never had long chat, i even thought he didnt know that i was his senior until one day he greeted me and i had to check if it was me he smiled at. turned out it was me and i was kinda touched. long story short, his funeral was packed with people. they were crying, shedding their tears and praying for him. i couldn’t stand any of that. until i got home, until two weeks after that, i still felt down. i really hate funeral and i wish to never attend it ever again this year. but God has plan.

it was sad for us, especially my grandfather. he is a strong grandpa, everyone has to listen and do exactly as he said. i dont think he and my grandma had strong relationship because of some marriage issues that i heard, until the day when my grandma passed away. he tried to look okay and shooed his children and grandchildren away from home. when actually he was not. my aunts went to checked on him, but he always turned them away.

i dont know what should i do when i meet him again. he looks though but fragile. i know how it feels when people are pitying and trying to help you. i dont like that and i think i got it from him.

his house is too big to live for himself, even when my grandma still alive it was too big for two of them. he built that house for my family actually, because dad is their first and only son. but we have a life here, we can’t move there. i don’t know what will happen when my grandfather passed away, or after i got married. is my dad going to move there or not, i never ask.

i thought i wont feel this sad because i wasn’t close with my grandma, but family is family no matter how far your relationship is.

hi grandma, if you are there, if you read this, i want to let you know that i love you. i’m sorry for not being the granddaughter that you’d hope to be, but i’m trying my best to be better each day. please find my other grandma who went there first. i wish you would rest in peace.

Politik: Negara, Teman, Agama dan Pilihan

Menjadi warga negara tentunya tidak akan asing dengan istilah politik. Mau tidak mau, suka tidak suka, dalam menjalani kehidupan dan memenuhi hak serta kewajiban sebagai warga negara pasti akan terlibat dengan hal ini. Tanpa politik, negara tidak akan bisa berdiri dan berfungsi seperti sekarang ini (ya, memang negara saya politiknya sudah bobrok tapi akuilah tanpa politik ia akan jauh lebih jatuh lagi).

Saya bukan orang yang fasih politik. Tertarik pun, sebenarnya tidak bisa dibilang tertarik. Saya hanya bermodalkan ide dan opini orang-orang di sekitar saya, baik itu di dunia nyata maupun di dunia maya. Serta artikel-artikel berbau politik yang lewat di timeline media sosial saya. Mungkin Anda akan bilang bahwa sumber yang saya baca bukan sumber yang crediblebut at least I can give you the sources. Dari sumber itulah, saya menetapkan pilihan saya.

Saya ingat, saya baru benar-benar peduli politik sekitar 3 tahun yang lalu. Pemilu 2014 merupakan pemilu paling membekas di hati saya. Selain karena saat itu merupakan pertama kalinya saya dapat memenuhi hak pilih saya,  drama perpolitikan yang terjadi membuat saya ingin muntah. Fitnah di mana-mana, capres dan cawapres menjadi kambing hitam, banyak berita palsu yang tidak masuk akal dan akhirnya malah memancing tawa dari pihak yang difitnah. Untuk pertama kalinya juga, saya dapat melihat sisi lain dari orang-orang di sekitar saya. Entahlah, mungkin saya memang sok tahu, mungkin saya memang shallow.

Tapi saya menjadi tahu, mana orang yang tadinya netral akhirnya dapat menentukan pilihan menurut hati nuraninya setelah melihat debat dan hasil kampanye sang calon, mana yang ‘setia’ dan bersikukuh dengan pilihannya, antara memang dia sangat yakin hingga menutup mata dengan keburukan sang calon yang memang terpampang nyata atau karena setia dengan partai pengusung calon tersebut.

Ah, saya terdengar bitter sekali. Saya akui, saya bukan orang yang senang berdebat dengan orang lain dan saya (jeleknya) selalu menganggap bahwa saya yang benar, orang lain salah. Orang lain yang berbeda pendapat dengan saya, salah. Saya sadar saya memiliki sifat jelek tersebut ketika pemilu presiden terakhir itu. Media sosial saya dipenuhi teman-teman saya yang mempromosikan pilihannya. Banyak juga yang memilih diam, namun sebagian besar teman saya memilih untuk mengekspresikannya. Saya, pada awalnya, tidak mau mengungkapkan pilihan saya, karena saya yakin pilihan tersebut rahasia, sesuai dengan prinsip pemilu yang luberjurdil. Terlebih lagi, saya malas jika harus berdebat dengan teman-teman saya sendiri, karena kebetulan pilihan saya berbeda dengan mereka. Saya bisa membayangkan bagaimana perdebatan yang akan terjadi dan saya tahu, saya akan kalah. Ya, saya yakin dengan pilihan saya namun saya tak percaya diri dapat ‘menyerang’ pendapat orang lain dengan begitu meyakinkan. Saya membaca banyak pendapat orang, serta beberapa data dan menurut saya itu belum cukup untuk menangkis lawan.

Hal tersebut terulang lagi di tahun ini, atau lebih tepatnya tahun lalu. Sekedar informasi saja, saya tidak tinggal di ibukota, sehingga sebenarnya saya tidak punya hak untuk memilih gubernur kota tersebut. Akan tetapi, selayaknya warga negara ini, yang terkadang menganggap ibukota jauh lebih penting dan utama dibandingkan kota tempat tinggalnya sendiri, saya cukup memperhatikan alur pemilu ibukota. Selain itu, terdapat kasus dari sang gubernur yang memang sejak awal mungkin sudah tidak disukai.

Jika Anda tanya pendapat saya tentang gubernur tersebut, saya menyukai dan menghormati beliau. Datangnya beliau ke ibukota dengan sikap yang jauh berbeda dengan pendahulunya tentu membuat warga di sana sangat terkejut. Terlebih lagi dengan perawakan dan agamanya yang termasuk minoritas di negeri ini. Banyak yang suka, banyak pula yang tak suka. Itu wajar, menurut saya. Terkait dengan ‘skandal’ beliau yang katanya menistakan agama paling besar di negeri ini, saya berpendapat bahwa beliau hanya berkata hal yang salah di waktu yang salah. Saya tidak setuju dan kecewa, tapi hal tersebut bisa menjadi peringatan bagi beliau untuk lebih berhati-hati lagi atas perkataannya. Saya percaya beliau orang yang cerdas, baik dan bijaksana, serta beliau tidak punya maksud untuk memperolok kepercayaan tersebut. Kalau memang beliau membenci agama tersebut, mengapa beliau punya keluarga angkat yang berbeda agama dengan beliau? Selain itu, tidak pantas pula untuk para pemeluk agama besar yang mencintai perdamaian itu untuk menghakimi sendiri dan memaksa para penegak hukum memberikan hukuman yang tidak sesuai dengan peraturan dalam undang-undang negeri ini.

Saya tahu, saya berbeda pendapat dengan mereka. Mereka melihat dari kaca agama, saya dan para pendukung beliau melihat dari kaca politik dan negara. Mereka mengatakan NKRI harga mati, namun mengapa hanya agama mereka yang dibawa? (Saya tahu saya berkata seakan agama mereka bukanlah agama saya namun konteksnya tidak seperti itu). Negara ini negara Pancasila, bukan negara agama. Lalu, mereka membalas bagaimana dengan sila pertama? Tapi Pancasila terdiri dari lima sila, bukan satu sila. Kalau satu saja, namanya bukan panca. Baik, mungkin tulisan saya tidak akan habis jika saya terus membahas hal ini.

Tulisan ini telah pergi entah ke mana, tapi memang tujuan awal saya menulis adalah untuk menumpahkan unek-unek saya, bukan untuk menyerang satu golongan atau mengkampanyekan satu pihak.

Mengenai pilihan, saya jadi teringat dengan dosen Sejarah Indonesia saya. Semester kemarin, saya berkesempatan mengambil kelas eksternal beliau dan saya sangat bersyukur akan hal itu. Meskipun saya punya pendapat yang berbeda dengan beliau, namun beliau menginspirasi saya untuk terus belajar sejarah demi negeri ini. Beliau juga yang meyakinkan saya dengan kata-katanya, bahwa berbeda pendapat merupakan hal yang wajar. Yang bermasalah adalah, jika Anda terus berganti pendapat. Awalnya Anda percaya dengan ideologi A. Akan tetapi, beberapa tahun berikutnya Anda berpindah ke ideologi B. Kemudian beberapa tahun berikutnya berpindah lagi.

Orang bilang bahwa perubahan merupakan hal yang tidak dapat Anda hindari, namun menurut dosen saya, untuk beberapa hal berdiam diri di satu tempat merupakan pilihan terbaik. Jika Anda percaya dengan A, teruslah percaya dengan hal itu. Cari tahu, yakinkan diri Anda sendiri mengapa Anda percaya dengan hal tersebut. Mau seburuk apa pun pilihan Anda, selama Anda teguh memegang pilihan itu, orang lain akan menghormati Anda dan menilai Anda sebagai pribadi yang memegang omongannya. Bukan orang yang mudah merubah pendapatnya. Dosen saya berkata hal tersebut membuatnya dikenang orang. Beliau merupakan sosok yang berani mengungkapkan pendapatnya yang berbeda dengan orang di sekelilingnya, sehingga tak heran jika banyak yang berkonsultasi dengan beliau untuk meminta pendapatnya. Banyak pula yang menghormatinya.

Karena itu, sebenarnya wajar saja jika Anda bersikukuh dengan pilihan Anda. Anda merasa pilihan Anda benar, Anda berhak untuk meyakinkan orang lain bahwa Anda benar. Begitu juga dengan saya. Saya yakin saya telah memilih yang terbaik dan saya akan terus mempertahankan pilihan saya. Selain itu, tidak peduli denga pilihan Anda, selama Anda memilih dan yakin dengan yang Anda pilih, negara ini pasti akan berjalan terus ke arah yang lebih baik.