if u ask

Im not asking for extravagant things

I just want you and me
in a cafè,
or simply anywhere would do if you dislike coffee,
talking, chatting and laughing about our life

Is it too much to ask?

(Yes, it is)

I want to but im so messed up right now i dont want to bring you down with me i dont want to bring anyone down let me down here by myself.

 

 

‘Please come’
‘Lol its so far’
‘Youre so lazy. But its far indeed’
‘Lol you admit it’
‘Just for once’
‘You really want me to come, dont you?’
(Yes, so bring yourself here please)

 

(lol nope i know you cant come even if i force you and i dont want to force you and i dont want you to come to be honest)

Mask

You ought to put mask on your face everyday. An adult has to.
You put different faces until you dont know which one is the original one.

But maybe to solve the problem, you can choose the most comfortable one that you can put on. Its going to be your original face, the mask you use when you meet people that you feel like home.
Its not the bare face, its still mask, a mask that so comfortable on you to the point where you thought the mask is yourself.
Yet, darling, you never be your own self until there is no one there.

 

I’m curious what kind of mask you put on when you reply to my message. When we meet, someday, if God so generous to let us meet under His blessing. I want to know which kind of face I have to choose when I meet you. I hope its the thinnest one, the most comfortable mask I love to wear and I wish yours too.

Delusion

Hi, I’m going to tell you a story. Lets call this guy as A. So, I used to think that I love this A guy so much that I can’t fall in love with another guy. I used to think that the feeling wont fade even thought we aren’t in official relationship

Little did I know, I’m wrong

I just deluded myself for being in love with him when actually I was in love with the memories we made.
I had crush on several people, but it was just a phase. I always go back to this person in the end. Thinking that he would be the one for me, that he is my destiny. That we would be together again someday.

 

Then, I meet this B guy.

I can’t say that I fall in love with him, not yet. But I realized something.

I’m not in love with A, bet it still in love or loving him in present tense,
I’m out of love since years ago

I don’t feel anything when I meet the A guy. I mean, I’m happy and excited but that’s it. No different from meeting my other friends. And when we chatted on Line, I smile throughout chat. But I did that too with my other friends. Theres no sparks, no butterflies in my stomach, nothing.

 

And this B guy

He might not know me, heck, he doesn’t even care about me, I can make sure of it.
The last time I meet him was around a month and half ago, and it was dark so I don’t think he remember my face. He didn’t treat me like I’m special to him, I dont even feel special but there was time when I feel like it. He calls me by different name, that my friends laughed at, but I dont mind because it’s him who call me that. I can’t say that the way he treats me give me hope or anything, but the clear thing is, my feeling grow big each days. I don’t know if he knows my feeling for him, maybe he has clue, maybe not. I don’t really care.

Its funny but I can tell when he’s in good mood and when he’s not by his reply.

I don’t know what should I do because its been a long time since I have huge crush on someone. I talked to him, sometimes I greeted him on Whatsapp and talking nonsense or asking irrelevant stuffs, but that’s it. I never like someone like him, so I have no clue. I dont have friends who know him either so I cant ask about his personality (even if I had one, I might not ask, though).
But I feel thankful because he make me realized of something. He opened my eyes. Even though he doesn’t even know he did that to me.
I’m not a believer of “you have to like someone so you can move on” quote because I think when your heart is ready, there you go. After all, you can’t replace people because each one of them serve different purpose in your life. But after I meet him and admit to myself that I have feeling for him, I can say that it’s quite true. Even though it’s just a bit true. Even though for me, I’ve moved on but I need someone to make me realized that I did. I never know that I need a person to confirm it, but now I know.

I want B to be happy, always (I want to be happy with him, too, but it’s so greedy of me). It’s a lie if I said that I’m not expecting anything from him. I want him to return my feeling, of course. But I think I’m just going to enjoy this moment. To enjoy the excitement every time his name appears on my notification bar, to enjoy the butterflies in my stomach and stupid smile that creeps on my face when reading his message, to enjoy the frustration when his reply isn’t what I expected or when I don’t know what to write to keep the conversation going. It’s tiring, confusing, thrilling and exciting at the same time. That’s the art of having a crush, isn’t?

 

Cat

Its like
trying to assure the cat who is stuck on the tree.
He know how to climb it but he doesnt have any courage to go down
I’m trying my best to courage him to jump
or climb down

“Hey you can jump into my arms, I wont hurt you”

But I know, deep down its me who is afraid
of his claws that might stab me once he jump,
of his reaction once he’s in my arms,
is he going to run away from me,
or let me calming his shaking body down, petting his fluffy fur and bring him home?

 

‘You have 9 lives like a cat, aren’t you?’
‘Cat? It’s cute but it makes mess everywhere’
‘Lol yeah cute and annoying’
‘Cute? Lol’
‘I mean, cat is cute and you’re annoying’

honesty

I thought I know myself very well, but when my friends pointed out to me where did I do wrong, I couldn’t defend myself.

You know, you have to be honest with yourself.”

I’m always honest, am I?

No, you’re not okay. You are saying that you’re okay when actually you’re not. You said that you don’t feel anything when actually you did. If you were normal person, you have to snap at this person for disrespecting you. Just admit that your feeling is different this time.

 

 

(yes sorry, sorry for posting depressing things again. I’ll be back spreading glitter and rainbow, I promise!)

his name is so beautiful that i can’t help but recite his whenever it appears on my phone screen

(why is
human relationship
so difficult?

or maybe it is simple but I am the one who complicate things)

i’m smiling like an idiot, please help me

 

 

Hi for May 18th guy

When i wrote this, i already ask you about your birthday (I just realized your birthday was written in your phone number – oh wait can i joke about the 2 last digit as your birth year?)

But i swear when i wrote the original post, i have no idea about your birthday

Here it goes Ara being creepy part 87163728

 

So,

I wish you have a belated year ahead. Not just a year but yearsss ahead.
I wish you’ll receive a lot of love from people that you love.
I wish you will always be happy.

(Its not everyday that your age will be plus a year, and im so so late writing this – its june 5th if youre wondering)

Thank you for making me happy even tho i never said that your simple reply made my day. Sorry for being annoying and disturbing, too, lol.

(And thank you if you read this and know that this post is for you)