if u ask

Im not asking for extravagant things

I just want you and me
in a cafè,
or simply anywhere would do if you dislike coffee,
talking, chatting and laughing about our life

Is it too much to ask?

(Yes, it is)

I want to but im so messed up right now i dont want to bring you down with me i dont want to bring anyone down let me down here by myself.

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Mask

You ought to put mask on your face everyday. An adult has to.
You put different faces until you dont know which one is the original one.

But maybe to solve the problem, you can choose the most comfortable one that you can put on. Its going to be your original face, the mask you use when you meet people that you feel like home.
Its not the bare face, its still mask, a mask that so comfortable on you to the point where you thought the mask is yourself.
Yet, darling, you never be your own self until there is no one there.

 

I’m curious what kind of mask you put on when you reply to my message. When we meet, someday, if God so generous to let us meet under His blessing. I want to know which kind of face I have to choose when I meet you. I hope its the thinnest one, the most comfortable mask I love to wear and I wish yours too.

Is This What People Call As Pre-graduate Syndrome Or Whatever?

Hi, im going to write depressing things again.

So im at my father’s hometown now. I thought when i meet my grandpa, he’ll lecture me about not having boyfriend like he did everytime i visited him because most of my cousins around my age are getting their partner already. And im going to graduate this august so im preparing myself lol.

But it turned out to be the opposite. He asked me do i want to continue my study. Of course i want to. Then he told me to sign up for the next master degree entrance exam. Like, right away.

I just nodded my head while trying to process it. Wait, i thought about it but i dont want to take any major here because the major that I want is overseas. Beside i never had any intention to continue my study here. Sorry if i sound arrogant but i want to challenge myself even though im pretty pessimistic.

Then i googled my future major and now im frustated because theres no way i could fill the requirements. Im not very confident i could pass. I dont even know what kind of major im going to take if i cant get this one.

I dont have any plan to apply for scholarship right away, though. They want experienced person in the right field to give the scholarship for. Im not qualified for it, at least for now.

I dont know where to start, to be honest. I dont know what im going to be. Im so scared. Why did i want to grow up so bad when i was child and now i want to go back being little girl whose happiness can be fulfilled by happy meals package?

She Has Everything That You Have, Too

what’s wrong with the girl who chase her love first? Isn’t good that the girl knows what she wants and tries her best to achieve it? why is it always the guy who has to chase his love? why can’t girl do it? why girl has to wait and be patient when she has both of her arms and legs? have you forget that she has brain too?

“but, darling, you are a woman so you have to sit here and be pretty and wait for man to droll over your beauty and ask you to be his wife. oh wait, you have to act like you don’t like him. don’t accept his proposal as fast as you can. you have to play hard to get so he would treasure you more.”

those freaking stereotype can go burn hundred meters under the ground.

i’m a woman and i know what and who i want. if i see it, if i meet him, i would do anything to get it. to have it. you can call me disgusting or gross, i don’t care. as long as i can get what i want. why do i have to wait for universe to drop me some good things when i could find and fight for the best?

(nope, it’s not always about man, it’s about life, career, opportunity and everything in the world).

 

easy for you

it’s easy to fall in love
with you
with simple things around
it’s only take one conversation, one gaze, a warm smile, in one second

God makes it so easy for people to like things, to love someone
but why people love to spread hate
when it’s easier to fall in love instead?

I’m so sick of the world, there are so much hate currently. people kill themselves and another so easy as if they were flies. those who are so selfish who think their God would love them when actually they did something that He opposed. medias are full of negative things. what kind of the world I live now, I don’t know.

so many bad things happened here to the point where people getting praised for being nice, when actually that’s our root. isn’t ironic for being praised of something that we’re SUPPOSED to do? I’m not a prophet nor holy person but being kind to each other is our nature, human nature. why is it so hard to apply, when you can get double happiness, to the person you’re giving something to and to yourself who did a good deed?

happiness

I don’t want to expect people doing things for me. I don’t want to depend my happiness on them. It’s not like I don’t trust people. Expectation can be a burden, either for the person you’re expected for, or you who’re expecting. I loathe being burdened and I dislike the image of giving burden to someone. If I’m going to be associated with someone, I want to be the one who give. This kind of logic is frustrating since I cannot ask help to those who aren’t close to me because I am afraid of giving them something to bear, either it is small or big.

But to reach the happiness I always dream of, I know I should get them involved. I cannot be completely happy if I can’t share it with them. For me, my happiness is their happiness as well. Why should I spread my sadness and keep my happiness on my own? Everyone has their blue days so I cant make them getting bluer.
About the happiness, what is it exactly?

For me, happiness is something simple. You don’t have to get grand luxurious thing to happen to you and call it happiness. When you can appreciate and be grateful of things around you, no matter how small it is, that’s happiness. You start making your happiness from scratch.

It’s not always about money, but I agree that it contributes a lot for my happiness. For example, whenever I’m feeling down, I buy myself chocolate and eat it on my own. I feel better and happier. Or buying lipstick because I love it and I feel better when I apply it to my lips. Books too. I feel happy whenever I read good books and find words that would motivate me to be better.

Giving something to people who I love make me happy. I feel happy instantly when I see their eyes light up at the view of chocolate or gift that I gave. The happiness of those around you is important too. You don’t have to give them something extravagant. As long as you sincere with yours, they’ll appreciate it. Believe me, the happiness will following you both.

his name is so beautiful that i can’t help but recite his whenever it appears on my phone screen

(why is
human relationship
so difficult?

or maybe it is simple but I am the one who complicate things)

i’m smiling like an idiot, please help me

 

 

Hi for May 18th guy

When i wrote this, i already ask you about your birthday (I just realized your birthday was written in your phone number – oh wait can i joke about the 2 last digit as your birth year?)

But i swear when i wrote the original post, i have no idea about your birthday

Here it goes Ara being creepy part 87163728

 

So,

I wish you have a belated year ahead. Not just a year but yearsss ahead.
I wish you’ll receive a lot of love from people that you love.
I wish you will always be happy.

(Its not everyday that your age will be plus a year, and im so so late writing this – its june 5th if youre wondering)

Thank you for making me happy even tho i never said that your simple reply made my day. Sorry for being annoying and disturbing, too, lol.

(And thank you if you read this and know that this post is for you)