when you feel you do not deserve some things

hello! i’m just back for my tripĀ  (and as always i have no idea how to start a post)

so i finally visited KL and did my first business trip with the student exchange program. as i thought…i did a lot of mistakes. SO MANY mistakes, ive embarassed myself in front of 80++ people there. im not really confident with my kr speaking skill (i cant even speak smoothly in my native language) plus not a really good speaker either so you know what the result? a whole mess. but i know i shouldn’t give myself that excuse. i’m now working, not a student anymore. it’s harsher world and not everyone will buy my excuse. I said to Jack that i wasnt really confident and he understood and he went to help me and covered for me several times. I can’t thank him enough.

Not only him, but the whole staff were so understanding and sometimes i feel like crying because of their kind-hearted. I was the only one from my country, with the attribute that shows the difference between us and maybe draw some kind of distance but they always approach me first and i always feel grateful for that. i did feel lonely sometimes and its not once or twice i cursed inside because i feel like an outsider. i felt so disappointed with myself and i just wanted to curl myself on the corner and crybut they always encourage and cheer me up and didn’t scold me at ALL when i more than deserved to be scolded. it’s just…..i feel so upset because i couldn’t even do what im supposed to do. but they made me feel like i’m one of them and they need me.

i dont think i could meet team with big heart and warmness like them again. i feel so sorry because sometimes i single judgely group of people based on what my friends told me, based on their experiences working with those groups but those i met several days ago were the nicest and most amazing people. if there would be another chance to work with them again, i more than willing would come to join them again.


2017 Highlight and Lessons

I found this in my draft and forgot to post it until now; I know we’re in the beginning of second quarter of 2018 already, but I want to post this to remind myself too.

So umm for me 2017 was an up and down year. I’ve graduated, I worked part time at an event, I did my first interpreter job (horribly), i fell in love, I let go person i should’ve not holding on for so long, i met new people, i rediscovering band that i like, i cried for someone who died because of depression. I want to recap things from month to month so let’s see if i remember anything.

Jan: i…don’t remember anything beside i was so worried about my journal but i didn’t do anything until next month. Oh i think i met my boss and he gave me lecture about work environment. And i got new kitties, 2 kitties. Crying over Goblin’s last episode while choosing the class for my last semester. I got my fav classes how lucky.

Feb: my friend’s graduation. I finally working on my journal and found the topic i want to talk about (sexual harassment at workplace) Continue reading “2017 Highlight and Lessons”