if u ask

Im not asking for extravagant things

I just want you and me
in a cafè,
or simply anywhere would do if you dislike coffee,
talking, chatting and laughing about our life

Is it too much to ask?

(Yes, it is)

I want to but im so messed up right now i dont want to bring you down with me i dont want to bring anyone down let me down here by myself.

 

 

‘Please come’
‘Lol its so far’
‘Youre so lazy. But its far indeed’
‘Lol you admit it’
‘Just for once’
‘You really want me to come, dont you?’
(Yes, so bring yourself here please)

 

(lol nope i know you cant come even if i force you and i dont want to force you and i dont want you to come to be honest)

There’s time when i wish i could tell people freely about what i feel right now. But looking at their faces, wondering what kind of problems that they have to bear now, stopping me from doing so.

Listening to their rants, seeing them cry, reading their complaints and gloomy sentences on their social media made me realize that im not alone.

Im not the only one who have such a problem so i should stop locking myself in the house. I should stop pitying myself.

But this fear,

What are you afraid of, self?

I dont know.

I want to curl myself and cry, loudly, until my tears dry and I lost my breath. I want to tell people about my fear.

Im so afraid of many things until i lost count on what is exactly thing that im afraid of.

I miss someone that i havent seen in months who doesnt even have any idea that i really want to meet him. I promise myself to be honest and straightforward so i wont torture my ownself yet fear always blocking me from doing things.

hi, i want to tell you i miss you but im afraid that you might laugh at me. I dont want you to not taking my words seriously. I mean every word I said to you.

I shouldve stop blaming everything including myself and just do things i want to do so i could achieve the happiness i’ve always dream of.

Is This What People Call As Pre-graduate Syndrome Or Whatever?

Hi, im going to write depressing things again.

So im at my father’s hometown now. I thought when i meet my grandpa, he’ll lecture me about not having boyfriend like he did everytime i visited him because most of my cousins around my age are getting their partner already. And im going to graduate this august so im preparing myself lol.

But it turned out to be the opposite. He asked me do i want to continue my study. Of course i want to. Then he told me to sign up for the next master degree entrance exam. Like, right away.

I just nodded my head while trying to process it. Wait, i thought about it but i dont want to take any major here because the major that I want is overseas. Beside i never had any intention to continue my study here. Sorry if i sound arrogant but i want to challenge myself even though im pretty pessimistic.

Then i googled my future major and now im frustated because theres no way i could fill the requirements. Im not very confident i could pass. I dont even know what kind of major im going to take if i cant get this one.

I dont have any plan to apply for scholarship right away, though. They want experienced person in the right field to give the scholarship for. Im not qualified for it, at least for now.

I dont know where to start, to be honest. I dont know what im going to be. Im so scared. Why did i want to grow up so bad when i was child and now i want to go back being little girl whose happiness can be fulfilled by happy meals package?

easy for you

it’s easy to fall in love
with you
with simple things around
it’s only take one conversation, one gaze, a warm smile, in one second

God makes it so easy for people to like things, to love someone
but why people love to spread hate
when it’s easier to fall in love instead?

I’m so sick of the world, there are so much hate currently. people kill themselves and another so easy as if they were flies. those who are so selfish who think their God would love them when actually they did something that He opposed. medias are full of negative things. what kind of the world I live now, I don’t know.

so many bad things happened here to the point where people getting praised for being nice, when actually that’s our root. isn’t ironic for being praised of something that we’re SUPPOSED to do? I’m not a prophet nor holy person but being kind to each other is our nature, human nature. why is it so hard to apply, when you can get double happiness, to the person you’re giving something to and to yourself who did a good deed?

honesty

I thought I know myself very well, but when my friends pointed out to me where did I do wrong, I couldn’t defend myself.

You know, you have to be honest with yourself.”

I’m always honest, am I?

No, you’re not okay. You are saying that you’re okay when actually you’re not. You said that you don’t feel anything when actually you did. If you were normal person, you have to snap at this person for disrespecting you. Just admit that your feeling is different this time.

 

 

(yes sorry, sorry for posting depressing things again. I’ll be back spreading glitter and rainbow, I promise!)

his name is so beautiful that i can’t help but recite his whenever it appears on my phone screen

(why is
human relationship
so difficult?

or maybe it is simple but I am the one who complicate things)

i’m smiling like an idiot, please help me

 

 

Hi for May 18th guy

When i wrote this, i already ask you about your birthday (I just realized your birthday was written in your phone number – oh wait can i joke about the 2 last digit as your birth year?)

But i swear when i wrote the original post, i have no idea about your birthday

Here it goes Ara being creepy part 87163728

 

So,

I wish you have a belated year ahead. Not just a year but yearsss ahead.
I wish you’ll receive a lot of love from people that you love.
I wish you will always be happy.

(Its not everyday that your age will be plus a year, and im so so late writing this – its june 5th if youre wondering)

Thank you for making me happy even tho i never said that your simple reply made my day. Sorry for being annoying and disturbing, too, lol.

(And thank you if you read this and know that this post is for you)

bee-bee doubleyou

hello! I haven’t post something that tell people about my days so here it is.
not exactly my day, but I just want to share this.

So, I joined an event outside the campus. This was the second time, well not the same event, I mean, joining an external event-slash-part timing (or volunteering, up to you). The first time was on October, it was a K-event and most of my friends were working there so naturally I joined them. This time, no. And the event was bigger than the previous one so to be honest I was so scared and nervous when I signed up. I didn’t have any experience too, but I really want to join this one since a year ago (I’m not lying, I really do!).

Well, so I saw the recruitment announcement on Line and decided to sign up. I thought I’m going to do this alone, but two of my friends said that they wanted to do it too, so we sent our applications together. We came to the interview (or briefing to be exact) and chose the same section (lol but I wasn’t interested on another section so there it went my choice). To cut it short, three of us made it, but one of my friend decided to cancel it because some issues so it was just two of us.

Guess what it was kinda annoying at first. I’m not the type of person who frequently appear on group chat (yes, I’m that annoying and ignorant person who only read the chat and never respond) and before the event began, there were some chaos occurred. It’s kinda predictable, to be honest. That’s what you get when you meet (well, not directly meet but you may get my point) bunch of people who shared different type of jokes and work ethic with you.

About the event. Well, it wasn’t perfect. There were a lot of complains, some unexpected things. But it got praised, too, so it wasn’t that bad.

For me, I got mixed feeling. At first, I doubt I could do it. I got night shift and my body wasn’t used to it. But I met such a great people who push me through those hard nights. I don’t have single regret for joining this event.

Sure, I met a lot, really lot, of people who keep pissing me off. But there were many of them that made me laugh and forgot about the negative things. I was so pissed with this one girl who in same group with me on set up days because she always complained about things. But I meet a lot of fun people while working so I forgot about her. I got scolded by a group of customers until I wanted to cry on the spot, but then not long after those customers gone, my chief cashier went to me and told me to take a break. The next day, my chief cashier moved me to another section that was unfamiliar to me and I had those unwelcoming faces when I came (I’m not deluding myself because my other friends went there too on the other day and they told me the same thing). But I met one person that always talk to my friend and he was so nice to me and so the team leader and one of the crew who approached me first and talked to me and I felt better.

there were a lot of negative things, like, so many of them until I lost count but I’m not gonna mention it one by one. I couldn’t tell you the exact story of my working days but to make it short: it was fun. It’s really fun. I really wanted to join the event again, I really do.

I said that I don’t have any regrets, but I do lol. I didn’t take the picture with some of the people who were close to me and helping me during the event. I didn’t give them anything, when in fact, I planned to give each one of them something. I did give some of them, but I really wished I had time to thank them all. It might sound weird and cringey but I used to do this so its kinda unusual if I didn’t do it.

I think, this was the first time I work outside my zone (aka Korea). I must say, it’s so different. and it was better. I like my employers, they treated the crews like… friends? I mean, most of them didn’t act so high and bossy when they have any rights to do that. Okay, I know if I said this in front of my friends they’re gonna deny it so hard lol, but it was different for me. I used to work with K peeps (lol why this sound like I’m a pro when it comes to them, no its the opposite but you get my point, right?) and fyi they have seniority complex (idk is it the right word?). Like, some of them as superior tend to act like one, I mean, really bossy and annoying and have a lot of request that wasnt make sense and they like to do things so sudden and change their mind so quick. But I was happy with the way my supervisors here at this event working. I respected them, and they’re fun to talk to.

I joined this in order to challenge myself and I’m glad I did. I gained so much and I don’t think I lose anything (wait, i think i lost weight lol). Thank you for the experience!

ps: this post is so disoriented I don’t know what im gonna write i just want to type this out of my brain and this is so messy so its ok if you dont understand. and its been around 2 weeks i miss it so much.