when you feel you do not deserve some things

hello! i’m just back for my trip  (and as always i have no idea how to start a post)

so i finally visited KL and did my first business trip with the student exchange program. as i thought…i did a lot of mistakes. SO MANY mistakes, ive embarassed myself in front of 80++ people there. im not really confident with my kr speaking skill (i cant even speak smoothly in my native language) plus not a really good speaker either so you know what the result? a whole mess. but i know i shouldn’t give myself that excuse. i’m now working, not a student anymore. it’s harsher world and not everyone will buy my excuse. I said to Jack that i wasnt really confident and he understood and he went to help me and covered for me several times. I can’t thank him enough.

Not only him, but the whole staff were so understanding and sometimes i feel like crying because of their kind-hearted. I was the only one from my country, with the attribute that shows the difference between us and maybe draw some kind of distance but they always approach me first and i always feel grateful for that. i did feel lonely sometimes and its not once or twice i cursed inside because i feel like an outsider. i felt so disappointed with myself and i just wanted to curl myself on the corner and crybut they always encourage and cheer me up and didn’t scold me at ALL when i more than deserved to be scolded. it’s just…..i feel so upset because i couldn’t even do what im supposed to do. but they made me feel like i’m one of them and they need me.

i dont think i could meet team with big heart and warmness like them again. i feel so sorry because sometimes i single judgely group of people based on what my friends told me, based on their experiences working with those groups but those i met several days ago were the nicest and most amazing people. if there would be another chance to work with them again, i more than willing would come to join them again.


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