I know it’s weird to write this here since I can deliver my mail to you on fancafe so you would read it but I don’t think it’s okay because you don’t like to be seen as a weak person, don’t you?
You are not. Believe me. You are one of the strongest person I’ve ever know, you always stand in what you believe, you always do your best for your and everyone’s sake. You take care of people so well, you scold and nag but you do it because you care and love them. You never hesitate to show your love toward us. You always give me strength with your choice of words and your smile and laughter. Your voice? Heal me whenever I’m in the edge of breaking down.
So now, when you feel down, you are free to cry, I won’t tell you to stop crying. I’ve been in your shoes before, it’s hurt to lose the one we love and it’s even harder when we couldn’t be there when they breathe their last and couldn’t send them to their resting place.
One day you were practicing hard for the concert, you were expecting to see her face lights up from the audience seat, face full of happiness and proud watching her beloved grandson on stage. And then one call ended your expectation, you broke down into tears, you were sobbing so hard it made your practice t-shirt wet. You had to stop practicing and tried to calm yourself down, gulped the water, took a deep breathe. You thought of leaving, how you were so desperate to see her for the last time, to say goodbye properly.
Then you remembered your responsibility. You have to perform, there are thousands people who were looking forward to see your stage. Those who spend their time and money for you, those whose life have been inspired by you. You couldn’t runaway from your responsibility. Beside, she would be upset if you dropped the concert for her sake. It’s your dream and she supported you in her lifetime. You have to make her proud, until her last.
So, you stood up and went back to prepare for the concert. Practiced harder than anyone else. You put your usual cheerful and savage self in front of your fans, you danced and sang like you always do. You did your best. You showed us your best. And then you told us, you cried, it broke my heart. But, hey, it’s okay.
You are allowed to show us your weak side. Idol has to be perfect, they said, but you are a human before an idol. And human has emotions and flaws. I like it better when you’re comfortable enough to show your fragile side because it means I’m a fan of human being and it makes me relieved.
Thank you for being strong. Thank you for telling me, us, your fans, about your pain. Thank you for believing us.
Deep condolences for you and your family, I know you can go through this hard time. I hope you could spend few days with your family. I love you.
PS: like I said, I’m going to pray and mention to my grandmothers who went there earlier, to pay visit to your grandma so she won’t be alone anymore.