I really, really envy you who have someone that fight for you. For the relationship you guys have. Me? He refused to fight. We could saved it but he didn’t want to. It was only me, alone, trying to keep the ship from drowning. But what can I do when the one who supposedly help me, in order to keep the ship sail, jumped to another big ship as soon as it passed, without even throwing a glance at me?

And it took me years, seven years, to realize that the magic is gone, the feelings are lost somewhere. It might took him that long, too.

The person who made me realized that I was in love with the shadows and crappy memories isn’t even here. I haven’t thank him yet. No, we are not together like those fairy tales told you. I don’t know if he still remember me. We met again last month, worked under the same event (again), passed each other in the alley almost every morning because he took morning to evening shift and i was in night shift. We had several eye contacts, but we never greeted each other. I wasn’t the type of person who will greet people that i know first, except if i were that close to them, and i doubted he remembered me. My friend said he did. But he played along with me. I just shrugged at that suggestion, even though i did wish he remembered me.

Funny how i realized i’m over that person by this new guy. I hate how easy i am to get attracted to someone, a guy i barely know, who happened worked near my section. I hate how easy for him to slip into my mind, while the other people have to knock on the wall because they don’t even know where the door is. I loathe how i am the only one who smile at the thought of him and how he made me happy just by existing.

I dislike to whom i turned into every time this thing happened. The insecurity always get the best of me and i am struggling to fight it.

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