She Has Everything That You Have, Too

what’s wrong with the girl who chase her love first? Isn’t good that the girl knows what she wants and tries her best to achieve it? why is it always the guy who has to chase his love? why can’t girl do it? why girl has to wait and be patient when she has both of her arms and legs? have you forget that she has brain too?

“but, darling, you are a woman so you have to sit here and be pretty and wait for man to droll over your beauty and ask you to be his wife. oh wait, you have to act like you don’t like him. don’t accept his proposal as fast as you can. you have to play hard to get so he would treasure you more.”

those freaking stereotype can go burn hundred meters under the ground.

i’m a woman and i know what and who i want. if i see it, if i meet him, i would do anything to get it. to have it. you can call me disgusting or gross, i don’t care. as long as i can get what i want. why do i have to wait for universe to drop me some good things when i could find and fight for the best?

(nope, it’s not always about man, it’s about life, career, opportunity and everything in the world).



easy for you

it’s easy to fall in love
with you
with simple things around
it’s only take one conversation, one gaze, a warm smile, in one second

God makes it so easy for people to like things, to love someone
but why people love to spread hate
when it’s easier to fall in love instead?

I’m so sick of the world, there are so much hate currently. people kill themselves and another so easy as if they were flies. those who are so selfish who think their God would love them when actually they did something that He opposed. medias are full of negative things. what kind of the world I live now, I don’t know.

so many bad things happened here to the point where people getting praised for being nice, when actually that’s our root. isn’t ironic for being praised of something that we’re SUPPOSED to do? I’m not a prophet nor holy person but being kind to each other is our nature, human nature. why is it so hard to apply, when you can get double happiness, to the person you’re giving something to and to yourself who did a good deed?


I thought I know myself very well, but when my friends pointed out to me where did I do wrong, I couldn’t defend myself.

You know, you have to be honest with yourself.”

I’m always honest, am I?

No, you’re not okay. You are saying that you’re okay when actually you’re not. You said that you don’t feel anything when actually you did. If you were normal person, you have to snap at this person for disrespecting you. Just admit that your feeling is different this time.



(yes sorry, sorry for posting depressing things again. I’ll be back spreading glitter and rainbow, I promise!)


I don’t want to expect people doing things for me. I don’t want to depend my happiness on them. It’s not like I don’t trust people. Expectation can be a burden, either for the person you’re expected for, or you who’re expecting. I loathe being burdened and I dislike the image of giving burden to someone. If I’m going to be associated with someone, I want to be the one who give. This kind of logic is frustrating since I cannot ask help to those who aren’t close to me because I am afraid of giving them something to bear, either it is small or big.

But to reach the happiness I always dream of, I know I should get them involved. I cannot be completely happy if I can’t share it with them. For me, my happiness is their happiness as well. Why should I spread my sadness and keep my happiness on my own? Everyone has their blue days so I cant make them getting bluer.
About the happiness, what is it exactly?

For me, happiness is something simple. You don’t have to get grand luxurious thing to happen to you and call it happiness. When you can appreciate and be grateful of things around you, no matter how small it is, that’s happiness. You start making your happiness from scratch.

It’s not always about money, but I agree that it contributes a lot for my happiness. For example, whenever I’m feeling down, I buy myself chocolate and eat it on my own. I feel better and happier. Or buying lipstick because I love it and I feel better when I apply it to my lips. Books too. I feel happy whenever I read good books and find words that would motivate me to be better.

Giving something to people who I love make me happy. I feel happy instantly when I see their eyes light up at the view of chocolate or gift that I gave. The happiness of those around you is important too. You don’t have to give them something extravagant. As long as you sincere with yours, they’ll appreciate it. Believe me, the happiness will following you both.

bee-bee doubleyou

hello! I haven’t post something that tell people about my days so here it is.
not exactly my day, but I just want to share this.

So, I joined an event outside the campus. This was the second time, well not the same event, I mean, joining an external event-slash-part timing (or volunteering, up to you). The first time was on October, it was a K-event and most of my friends were working there so naturally I joined them. This time, no. And the event was bigger than the previous one so to be honest I was so scared and nervous when I signed up. I didn’t have any experience too, but I really want to join this one since a year ago (I’m not lying, I really do!).

Well, so I saw the recruitment announcement on Line and decided to sign up. I thought I’m going to do this alone, but two of my friends said that they wanted to do it too, so we sent our applications together. We came to the interview (or briefing to be exact) and chose the same section (lol but I wasn’t interested on another section so there it went my choice). To cut it short, three of us made it, but one of my friend decided to cancel it because some issues so it was just two of us.

Guess what it was kinda annoying at first. I’m not the type of person who frequently appear on group chat (yes, I’m that annoying and ignorant person who only read the chat and never respond) and before the event began, there were some chaos occurred. It’s kinda predictable, to be honest. That’s what you get when you meet (well, not directly meet but you may get my point) bunch of people who shared different type of jokes and work ethic with you.

About the event. Well, it wasn’t perfect. There were a lot of complains, some unexpected things. But it got praised, too, so it wasn’t that bad.

For me, I got mixed feeling. At first, I doubt I could do it. I got night shift and my body wasn’t used to it. But I met such a great people who push me through those hard nights. I don’t have single regret for joining this event.

Sure, I met a lot, really lot, of people who keep pissing me off. But there were many of them that made me laugh and forgot about the negative things. I was so pissed with this one girl who in same group with me on set up days because she always complained about things. But I meet a lot of fun people while working so I forgot about her. I got scolded by a group of customers until I wanted to cry on the spot, but then not long after those customers gone, my chief cashier went to me and told me to take a break. The next day, my chief cashier moved me to another section that was unfamiliar to me and I had those unwelcoming faces when I came (I’m not deluding myself because my other friends went there too on the other day and they told me the same thing). But I met one person that always talk to my friend and he was so nice to me and so the team leader and one of the crew who approached me first and talked to me and I felt better.

there were a lot of negative things, like, so many of them until I lost count but I’m not gonna mention it one by one. I couldn’t tell you the exact story of my working days but to make it short: it was fun. It’s really fun. I really wanted to join the event again, I really do.

I said that I don’t have any regrets, but I do lol. I didn’t take the picture with some of the people who were close to me and helping me during the event. I didn’t give them anything, when in fact, I planned to give each one of them something. I did give some of them, but I really wished I had time to thank them all. It might sound weird and cringey but I used to do this so its kinda unusual if I didn’t do it.

I think, this was the first time I work outside my zone (aka Korea). I must say, it’s so different. and it was better. I like my employers, they treated the crews like… friends? I mean, most of them didn’t act so high and bossy when they have any rights to do that. Okay, I know if I said this in front of my friends they’re gonna deny it so hard lol, but it was different for me. I used to work with K peeps (lol why this sound like I’m a pro when it comes to them, no its the opposite but you get my point, right?) and fyi they have seniority complex (idk is it the right word?). Like, some of them as superior tend to act like one, I mean, really bossy and annoying and have a lot of request that wasnt make sense and they like to do things so sudden and change their mind so quick. But I was happy with the way my supervisors here at this event working. I respected them, and they’re fun to talk to.

I joined this in order to challenge myself and I’m glad I did. I gained so much and I don’t think I lose anything (wait, i think i lost weight lol). Thank you for the experience!

ps: this post is so disoriented I don’t know what im gonna write i just want to type this out of my brain and this is so messy so its ok if you dont understand. and its been around 2 weeks i miss it so much.

Where did the courage go?

It’s funny and ironic to think that the older you are, you will be braver. Well, it doesn’t apply to me, though. I’m not really afraid anymore of dark or ghost or anything that I used to be scared of when I was a kid. Yet the things that make me afraid right now are scarier than monsters or vampires.

As time goes by, I get more afraid to do things I wanna do. I told myself “If doing this make you happy, then go.”
But I guess I’m more scared of what society gonna respond than how I obtain my happiness.

Few years ago, I didn’t really mind what others think, I did what I wanted, I knew I was stupid but I wish I was still like me in the past. Whenever my friends talk to me about their feeling, that they’re afraid of what people think, I always said “why are they matter so much to you when it’s your life you’re talking about? It’s not like they’re your parents or God, you don’t have to do exactly that they want you to do.” But it’s always easier to say than done.
I don’t want to expect people around me to boost my confidence or to make this feeling disappear.

I know I am toxic for my own self but I’m going to let it poisons me alone than spread it to those around me.

“Fear is something that you create by your own.”

(Sorry, I promise myself that I wont write any depressing things in here anymore but I have to let this one out)