Advice for the Younger Me

Inspired by today’s ask.fm question. It’s pretty useless and it’s look like I can’t let go my past and regretting them (which is half true) but for me this question is interesting. I need this question.

So looking back, I know what I’m gonna say.

Dear the younger me in junior high school…
Okay, the thing is, you now in junior high school with different people from various background and attitude so try to fit yourself in them. Don’t force it, because in the end you will find them who will be with you till the end. You might go into some stupid fight with some of the upperclassmen but you’ll getting closer with 3 of them in the end. Don’t make a stupid promise such as not going to know the boys because its okay to be friends with them! Some rules are mean to be disobeyed but please do not take it too far. You can be a good student while breaking some rules. Go swimming, writing, practicing your speaking skill in public. Please do it. Improve your language skill because it won’t be a waste. Go out of your room, your comfort zone. Talk and listen to your juniors, smile to them, don’t let them said that you have a scary face. Appreciate your friends. Write a lot. Like, a lot. Your diaries will be your treasure, your oasis, when you miss this time.
Then when you fall in love, you will fall hard. It’s not love at first, but you will be with him anyway. Do not do anything stupid, keep your mind in the right track. Don’t be spoiled one. Remember you ain’t live in fairy tale like you always dream. Don’t force yourself to write it as your fairy tale. A relationship isn’t something like that, it’s beyond that. In the end, you will never regret to fall in love with him.

Dear me in high school…
First thing first, you will be grateful to get classmate like your 10th grade one. You will meet your old crush in elementary school but you still can’t talk normally with him even though you don’t have any feeling for him again (in note: go talk to him like you do with the other boys). You will find your study left behind people in your class so study harder. Don’t do drama. Don’t feed the troll. Embrace your hurt, let him go. Be friends with his friends and act normal in front of people. It’s okay to cry in first week but do not bawl every night until your eyes swell. You will like someone again and don’t do stupid things again. Let things flow. Talk to people your honest feeling. Do not shut your self out of people, especially your friends. Study hard and seriously, especially your EAP class. Go consult with the teacher for your future study plan or you will regret it forever.

I know I cannot go back but writing this post make me remember those time and I realized I should do better so the future of me won’t write the ‘don’t’s again like I do now.

Advertisements

This (f)Guy

I said to this guy and my friends that I never have any feeling for him. I kept telling myself that. When in fact, I know I had it. Not as much as for that particular person, but its not nothing.

The only moment I remember that when we had math exam, I sat right in front of the whiteboard, he went behind me and pat my head, said good luck. My face was hot after that and I couldn’t concentrate for several minutes.

Oh another one has popped out. It was when we were at train in rush hour after skating with our classmate. The train was so crowded and he put his arms around my shoulder to protect me from being squeezed. That was sweet. I remembered my heart was fluttered.

That time when he dated my friend, I was kinda jealous and I realized myself I was being a selfish biatch.

In the end, I know I cant give him happiness like he wanted to but he doesn’t know that at least he didn’t try for nothing. I did feel something and I want to thank him for everything he did for me back then. Even though I couldn’t treat him better.

I still wish happiness will shine upon him someday. I really want him to be happy.

Young Marriage

heart-529607_1280

Two of my best friends eloped their lives last month and I couldn’t get any happier than that. They’re finally meet their “the one”, sooner than I expected. Truthfully, I was so emotional when I read the invitation because man, I can say that I basically grew up with them, especially with Hana. She was one of my first friend I made back in middle school and the only one who stick with me since 7th grade till graduate. She was the only one who remember my birthday back in 8th grade when my other friends didn’t even know mine. I was pulling myself out from others when she was the opposite of me.

We exchanged diaries and I read it last week. They changed so much and I don’t know if I should be happy or sad. They grew up to be wonderful and religious women, unlike me. At least they still remember me.

You know, talking about marriage is a thing between girls (or women) in their 20s. So do my friends. I am bored with this topic but what can you do when entire world basically screaming this one at you? Your friends getting married, your friends get boyfriends, your friends graduated and get jobs. All of them lead to the most anticipated topic: marriage.

To be honest, I still don’t know about this.

I really want to get married at young age; when I was in elementary school (till middle school, I think) I want to get married at 20 so the age gap between me and my kids isn’t going to be big. I’m such a fan of Detective Conan and I envied Kudo and Mouri’s family back then. Yukiko and Eri look so young but they had children who were in high school. But now, I’m in my 20, boyfriend-less and job-less. My mom is working at her best to earn money for my brother’s college, my brother is busy preparing for his college life. It’s not that I want to get married now, though.

The older you become, you will understand that marriage isn’t about two people who are in love saying their vow at each other about living together forever. Marriage is about commitment, and the most important part, to bring two families together. Nowadays, marriage cannot be spelled without wedding, who has money tagged on it.

I want to graduate, get a stable job, working my ass off for money and then spend it for make up, books, clothes, shoes and travelling. I want to get full scholarship to London or Holland when I hit 25. I want to have a nice apartment for my own self and adopting bunch of cute street cats. I want to meet someone that share the same life principle with me, though. But I think it’s unnecessary to find it now. Maybe if I found someone attractive enough, I will chase him lol but for now I haven’t meet him. The idea of spending half (or more) life time with someone is scaring me, I don’t know. Is it possible to find someone like that?

That’s why I think it’s not necessary to bring marriage topic at my age, when we can do so much than getting married. It’s not like I hate young marriage though; it’s wonderful but maybe it’s not for me.

Even though I know, deep down, I want to settle down with someone I love.

But not now.