A Letter for the Future

Dear my children..

Honestly, this is pretty cringey. Forgive me, I don’t even know when will I meet you, or can I have you.

First, thank you for being born. I might not be what you want to claim about best mom, but I’m trying my best for you. We cannot be the richest or happiest family, but we can be comfortable with each other. I want you to feel like home when you are home, not just a place where you have to go back after school.

How old are you guys now? Fifteen? Seventeen? Or nearly my age when I type this letter?

I apologize if I’m being protective, while my own parents, or your grandparents, were never being protective over me and your uncle. I’m a wrench inside, I’m scarred of losing people that I love. It makes sense that I always try to push people around me. I do not want to be attached. I did feel hurt, once, and I never want to feel it again. It was annoying and depressing. I was like a hindrance for everyone around me that time; my family, my classmates, my middle school friends. Pretty embarrassing to remember that but it taught me a lot of things. Continue reading “A Letter for the Future”

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Wake Up You Need to Make Money

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freedictionary.com:

  1. A crucial or decisive point or situation, especially a difficult or unstable situation involving an impending change.
  2. A sudden change in the course of a disease or fever, toward either improvement or deterioration.
  3. An emotionally stressful event or traumatic change in a person’s life.

urbandictionary:

Usually occurs sometime in your twenties, a few years out of school and still feel as though you’re waiting for you’re life to begin.
For most people it will be around twenty five years of age (give or take a year or two) as this tends to be when you’re way of thinking is starting to change beyond that of a high school or college student. Most people realize they’ve reached this age if they talk to teens online and realize their way of thinking/talking/interacting etc is considerably different and/or they’re starting to refer to teens as ‘kids’.
It’s an age where a lot people start developing a more realistic outlook in life and start feeling that if they haven’t accomplished certain things in life they thought they would by then that they may never (Even though this isn’t true and they still have a long time to attain their goals and dreams).
This tends to be the age where regrets about decisions made in High School, College etc start becoming more apart. The classes one didn’t take, or could have tried harder in, the teams one didn’t try out for, and wished they had and so forth can sometimes cause a lot of regret and even resentment of those that are doing things one wishes they’d done.
Some people will respond to a quarter life crisis by rushing into various landmark type goals in life (Ie. getting married, moving out from your parents house, getting your first house, getting your first real job, having kids).
This could be because their friends have accomplished one or more of these things and they’re worried their falling behind them.
It may also be because they’re afraid that if they don’t accomplish these things by the time their 28 or so, they may never.
Others respond to it by growing depressed and blaming others for their perceived failures in life.
People tend to move beyond this life crisis when they realize that, a lot of people feel the same way and/or are in the exact same position, so they have plenty of company (misery loves company) and/or start to realize that perhaps some of their hopes and dreams were a tad bit unrealistic and that they’re just getting a reality check. Once one realizes that life hasn’t necessarily let them down and that their hopes and dreams were just that, hopes and dreams, but the reality has simply granted them a more down to Earth/realistic life, they’ll accept it and hopefully be happy for what they have and stop lamenting over what they never could realistically have achieved in life.

People say there will come a time when you feel depressed, questioning what will you do with your life, seeing yourself as a wrench who cannot do anything. That called quarter life crisis.

I realized I’m at that phase, right now.

Have you ever asking yourself how old are you know right after you wake up?

I dreamed that I was 16, or I thought I was 16. I was thinking about the 14 years old of me and I was like, hey it was 2 years ago. So I am 16 now? Then right after that, when I woke up, I counted my own age and I shivered. I am almost 21, not 16, nor 14. I was 14 seven years ago. Freaking seven years.

You know you are an adult when holiday makes you depressed, instead of happy.

My friends are doing internship, yet I am here, at home, lying on bed, reading comics and doing unproductive things. How can I get a job then? What should I do now?

Yet I do nothing. I searched for a job, but I didn’t send my CV. I dreamed about money, salary, but I didn’t do anything to make it happen. I cursed myself, blame it for being my own self, for being lazy, stupid, untalented and God-knows-what-kind-of-bad-words-I-called-myself.

I’m craving for new activity yet myself stop me for improving. Searching for excuses.